Author Topic: The People versus Eggplant Wizard: When vaginal loogies met incest literature  (Read 25721 times)

cis scum 1.0

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Please see note about pictures and other visual evidence at the end of the post.

Ladies and Gentleman, I convened you today to witness the trial of Eggplant Wizard. She stands accused of the following charges:

* Being a terrible moderator
* Being a writer of terrible incest, bestiality and rape fiction
* Being a terribly sad, shut-in human being

Using my sleuth skills and mostly her own words, I will make the case that this shut-in shitty moderator represents everything that is wrong with SA nowadays.  With your permission, I will begin with my opening statement and character assessment:


"Did you just call the forums 'Real Life'?"

This discussion encapsulates our subject of discussion rather well:

Quote from: Eggplant Wizard
Quote from: Francostein
Did you just refer to the forums as Real Life?
oh fuck

Well, fine. I meant "the part of the internet I actually frequent and which therefore must be filled with only literate, intelligent liberals who have the same opinions I do, and also cat pictures."

Meet the accused, whose life is so tied up with SA she refers to it as real life: this is moderator extraordinaire Eggplant Wizard and self-described vegetarian feminists ridden with guilt.

Quote from: Eggplant Wizard
I unironically check my privilege on a regular basis and have tons of white upper middle class guilt, so the tumblr people who take that kind of awareness and twist it into absurd self-masturbatory fantasies of e.g. discrimination due to being "demisexual" make me feel actual physical disgust. That's not even beginning to talk about the rapist defenders from reddit or the bizarre racism of bronies or transphobic/homophobic radical feminists or the simple rampant misogyny of huge swaths of the internet.

Actual physical disgust.

How did I come into possession of such a picture, you ask? I was personally banned once and received a few probation thanks to EWP, and decided to go on a quote-mining trip in order to find further material to laugh at her abusive and shitty moderation work. While quote-mining on SA, I ended up finding a thread where she discussed so much personal stuff that she pretty much doxxed herself to anyone who knew what she was talking about. Three minutes of googling later and I had found personal info, place of employment, office phone number and all that. And I'm not going to post any of it.

I will, however, post some details of her otherwise mundane life and pictures scrubbed of meta data and can't be reversed search. Please, do not shit up the thread by posting actual information about her that could lead to her being harassed in real life. She might confuse discussions on something awful for real life, but don't be the kind of scum who thinks that people's life and careers should be fucked with because of a message board. Now, returning to the case at hand:


The first thing that will strike anyone is just how much Eggplant Wizard loves to drone on about the disgusting liquids that ooze out of her body. She will not stop talking about:
Quote from: Eggplant Wizard on January 27, 2011
I'm curious about something coming from my vagina instead. I got an IUD put in nearly 2 weeks ago, and the spotting & bloody mucus have taped off to what seems to be just... mucus. Like, the biggest loogies you ever saw, but mucus. Is this going to be the whole time, or will it taper off too?
Quote from: Eggplant Wizard on June 16, 2012
Get yourself a menstrual cup [a cup that is inserted in the vagina, collects the blood, and is then removed and cleaned in the dishwasher then stored until the next month]. They are so much less obnoxious than tampons.
Quote from: Eggplant Wizard on March 24, 2013
Here's how it was: I went to pull my cup out, got that "oh fuck punched in the cervix" feeling you can get from certain sexual positions maybe. If you don't know what I'm talking about, it's not a lasting pain so much as a "oh sonofabitch oh okay well I'd like to not do that again." Pushing it back in (:downs:??) definitely hurt more and continued to hurt for a while. That night it hurt but um a lot of that had to do with the fact that (Spoilered for toilet talk. Not really NMS at all, but a lady doesn't talk about these things in public.) I'm rather gassy so there was limited space all up in there and it was under pressure. Taking ibuprofen and farting (the human body is a beautiful thing) helped. Since then it's only hurt when gassy or making any kind of serious bowel movement. It's still not quite in the right place and I can feel that sometimes when I move. I can also tell it's still sitting in my cervix a bit. Tomorrow I will definitely be going to the health center and probably have it taken out. I'll post about that when it happens.
Quote from: Eggplant Wizard on August 3, 2011
Do you regularly drink water? TMI time, but your pee should be light yellow, not dark yellow & smelly. If you're not drinking enough, it'll be dark. If that's the case, up your water intake. It'll make things easier on your system. I'm telling you what I was told by the doctor when I had a little UTI.
Quote from: Eggplant Wizard on August 8, 2012
Okay, just checking. I am sorry you've had many a UTI in your day. I'm on my first one right now ;_; Antibiotics are making it better but now I'm super paranoid that I'm going to get a rash and die because that is what I was told to look out for. Well, not the dying. The rash. So everything itches for no reason.


She also discussed this on her blog, in the most annoying and pompous way. While traveling in Europe:

Quote from: Her Blog
I have been sick for well over two months now. I had vague flu syndromes and a cold as well as days of fever and sleepiness. Then I started coughing mucus and had a very sore throat.

And the best one:
Quote from: Her Blog
The flight was alright. I sat next to a French lady and a boy who also knew Latin and Greek. I slept a little. In the last 10 minutes or so, forsooth, I vomited all over myself. I am so grateful that mother is knitting me a new sweater, because my old one is now in the garbage in Heathrow. I have bought a new shirt with a farm animal on it, but that's because my other shirt was wet from vomiting.

I might paraphrase, but she absolutely said forsooth about vomiting on herself.

Another thing she loves to talk about are cats. Seriously, she won't shut up about them. In one of her picture folders about a trip oversea, a third of the pictures were of local cats. Cats cats cats. She even filmed herself playing with one (no point in posting it, just boring cat play and no voice or face). Her blog is downright some of the most boring and mundane shit I've ever read. It' not even worth cut-pasting large swaths of it, she discusses things like fruits or cheese or differences between European and American supermarkets and toilets.

I mean, what do you do if you have a Friday off in one of the greatest countries in Europe?
Quote from: Her blog
I had a day off, so I went to a cat shelter and played with kitties some more, I stayed over three hours and took lots of pictures. I'll post them later

Well surely that's just one ti-
Quote from: Her blog
I ate lunch outside, and I discussed with adorable stray cats

She once spend 100 words discussing US/EU doorknobs. That's how boring she is. Cats and mundane shit fill her life, because her love life is depressing:

Sadly, she also seems to suffer from severe mental illness.
Quote from: Eggplant Wizard on October 16, 2012
I've been reading up on the symptoms online and I'm pretty sure I have hypochondria.
Quote from: Eggplant Wizard on May 18, 2012
I get this all the time too, like many multiple times a day. My therapist says it's not actually normal for people in their 20's to have it all the time and may be part of a general overall pattern of "attention regulation issues." :sweatdrop: I get around it by repeating whatever it is that I need to do in my head until I do it. If I'm going to the closet to get more toilet paper, I mentally say "toilet paper toilet paper toilet paper" until I get there. That helps. Usually.
She might legitimately suffer from aspergers, which would explain why she obsesses over boring shit and has no concept of boundaries.

Also, a depressing as shit love life.
Quote from: Eggplant Wizard on September 15, 2008
I have been with the same guy since high school and through college, and I'll probably marry him
Quote from: Eggplant Wizard on November 28, 2008
My engagement is probably a few years off, but I sort of want to be surprised. I think I might get impatient and be always waiting if I knew it was coming for several weeks/months. I figured that to steer him in the right direction I'd talk a lot with his mom, who I am sure will be eager to help
Quote from: Eggplant Wizard on April 4, 2010
In thinking about planning ahead, I just realized that all the color schemes I'd considered would look awful with my totally-not-even-engaged-I'm-a-psycho boyfriend's hair (red, similar to Maso's). Hmm, better keep an eye out for more neutrally colored men...
Quote from: Eggplant Wizard on July 19, 2010
Not engaged but if I ever am, I'll be in the same boat. I figure I'd do readings of poems or excerpts from works (ideally ones that mean something to one or both of us) that relate to love, marriage, friendship, etc. and mix that with music and of course vows.

So since I'm a big Jane Austen fan, I'd probably look for a paragraph or two to read from one of her books, or maybe I'd go a little more classy and find something in Ancient Greek/Latin poetry (read in translation of course). His favorite book is Call of the Wild so I don't know how the hell that would work, but hey, it could be interesting! No one but me thinks it's a good idea to have a Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure valediction, though: "I now pronounce you husband and wife, be excellent to each other, and to all you guests as well, PARTY ON DUDES!"

I also think it'd be a good idea to have a magician as a celebrant. Before you dismiss it, imagine the possibilities.


Yeah, Bill & Ted wedding valediction and the reading of poetry over music, I'm sure he's just urging to prop-
Quote from: Eggplant Wizard on January 18, 2011
I'm still not engaged, but I'm still obviously slightly insane and thus doing small plans in advance...
Quote from: Eggplant Wizard on February 23, 2013
There's nothing weird about following wedding threads regularly for years and years even if you're neither married nor engaged right? Right??


For a feminist, she sure seems to be pining for a traditional wedding and depend on her man. She has at least a hundred posts simply discussing the fact that she wants to get married. Of course,
Quote from: Eggplant Wizard on December 10, 2010
Putting Mr & Mrs Name Lastname looks too cluttered & long. I hate "Mr & Mrs John Smith" because of the patriarchy :argh:
'Getting married' is not the patriarchy, but last names totally are.

Quote from: Eggplant Wizard on May 3, 2012
I don't feel uncomfortable about the idea of proposing... I just want that princess moment that my cultural milieu promised me :colbert: I want to be able to show off my ring and go tee hee oh he got down on one knee etc. I imagine that is the real sticking point for a lot of women. Our society isn't at the point yet where it's acceptable (nevermind fun) for a dude to brag about being proposed to in the same way. I agree that it's a double standard, but I don't think that means I'm a bad feminist for wanting my slice of the sweet sweet patriarchal pie.
 
He was reading over my shoulder last night when I posted last and he said he likes the idea of being married, but the whole 'getting married' thing seems like a hassle. I told him I'd deal with the planning and all he had to do was show up, and his answer was, "Maybe when your health insurance lapses." He's such a romantic.
She also has at least a hundred post in the baby thread, but there's neither here nor there.

She's also obsessed by the Sims and anime:

Quote from: Eggplant Wizard on September 13, 2010
Does anyone know of a place, online or in NYC area, where I can sell Japanese-language manga? I just don't know where the happening anime places are on the internet anymore
Quote from: Eggplant Wizard on July 11, 2011
I have a bunch of anime stuff that I've been hanging on to since I was in my early teens. I'm moving again so it's time to try to get rid of it... again. What are some good websites/forums/whatever to post it on?

I have a couple of framed cels, an art book that has seen better days, a framed autographed sketch, and some misc collectibles, stickers and nonsense. Most are related to the anime/manga Fushigi Yuugi. At this point I would give them away for cost of shipping; it just seems a shame to put them in the garbage, since they cost me my parents hundreds of dollars. I've tried SA mart and got rid of some. Any ideas?

At the end of the day, she's just a regular cat lady with a fucking boring life:
Quote from: Eggplant Wizard on March 31, 2011
My boyfriend and I are boring people who don't like sunshine and we have a lot of fun just sitting and talking or watching internet tv or top gear or playing games or sometimes i cook and he "helps" or we bother the cats or we do my laundry and amazingly it's not actually that tedious because we like each other and having each other's company is the important part. Right now he is trying to teach me to play minecraft.


Tomorrow: How she ran an incest and erotica link, her awful modding career, and a picture of her in a fursuit.


Further References

Eggplant's Tumblr (private)
Her Lifestream
Youtube Account
Imgur Account

Private Goon Erotica Forum
Early Goon Erotica thread
Recently closed Erotica thread where she pretends to be shocked, then aroused
List of Goon Erotica writers, managed by EWP

The Pictures
After conferring with GAPO, a moratorium on EWP pictures has been established on SASS. Please do not repost them for the time being until the moratorium is lifted.
« Last Edit: June 13, 2013, 10:42:32 AM by cis scum »

cis scum 1.0

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gorilla fursuit and shit

cis scum 1.0

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last comments and final verdict

Fade to Vanilla

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ground fucking floor


LEAD WITH THE CHIN ROCK! LEAD WITH THE CHIN


Goddamnit E/N.

Big Duck Equals Goose

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During a model shoot all this black ooze shot from my skeleton vagina, anyway, where can I sell some hot anime?

Jaded

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Meet the accused, whose life is so tied up with SA she refers to it as real life:




About what I expected. Plain, unremarkable, probably flat as a board. Could be mistaken for a man with a short enough haircut.
« Last Edit: June 13, 2013, 11:31:57 AM by GAPO »

White Knight of Winn-Dixie

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I take back everything I said. Great job, cis.

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cis scum 1.0

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Oh and since you will undoubtedly read this: maybe you should think about putting your shit in private. I mean why would you leave a picture of your bare ass on photobucket? I know you were only trying to show a massive bruise, but you're lucky that I'm the one who found that shit because I'm sure a lot less scrupulous people would have linked to it in all of its pastiness. However, I don't want you to suffer actual consequences in your life from this, maybe just a wake up call to stop being such a shut-in so involved with the internet and stop talking about all your bodily functions everywhere.

Also, if you want to keep on building a professional career you might want to go back your post history and edit a lot of shit after you're done putting a lot more stuff private/removing it from the internet. Seriously, it's 2013 and you don't even carefully insulate your SA shit from your real life info?

:swanson:

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 :threadrules:

Well fucking done cis. Well worth the wait.

Now counting down til it leaks to FYAD. :allears:

White Knight of Winn-Dixie

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Seriously, it's 2013 and you don't even carefully insulate your SA shit from your real life info?

:swanson:
SA is real life though

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Quote
Former Rep. Ron Paul (R-Texas) warned Tuesday that the SA Admins may use a drone missile to kill cis scum, who recently leaked classified information on moderator Eggplant Wizard.

"I'm worried about somebody on those forums might kill him with a cruise missile or a drone missile," Paul said during an interview on Fox Business News. "I mean, we live in a bad time where American citizens don't even have rights and that they can be killed. But the gentleman is trying to tell the truth about what's going on."
:say:
 :paul:

cis scum 1.0

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Oh shit.
Thankfully I live in a state where pretty much everyone is packing, so come and fucking get me :reagan:




Your sig reminds me, I should ask Ryan Jarcy if he wants to hang out and shoot mexicans with me, I learned on his blog he doesn't live too far from me.
« Last Edit: June 13, 2013, 01:12:50 AM by cis scum »

Yankees are Scum

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It's still fantastic.  :nixon:

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she looks like a female troll face

:reagan:


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 :reagan: :nixon: :adam: superb thread; what an uninteresting plain jane cunt eggplant wizard is.

got that google?

eggplant wizard is an uninteresting cunt
eggplant wizard is an uninteresting cunt
eggplant wizard is an uninteresting cunt


hey it worked for ryan jarcy that guy who blew his own leg off while high on drugs and then set about committing insurance fraud :q:
"If ye love wealth better than liberty, the tranquility of servitude better than the animating contest of freedom, go home from us in peace. We ask not your counsels or arms. Crouch down and lick the hands which feed you. May your chains set lightly upon you, and may posterity forget that ye were our countrymen."


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She looks so old and young at the same time.

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on closer review i refuse to believe this is her: she is outside.


Goddamnit E/N.

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sup fyad

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 :freud:
My Analysis of Subject Eggplant Wizard

Clearly she has a case of arrested development. EPW has lived in stasis since her teen years. She has been in school constantly and is pushing 30. After high school she goes to college, gets a master's, now she's approaching 30 and is still in school. Her "job" is school. But as a Latin major she is in a tiny world with no end in sight.

If she had gone on another track, say as an archaeologist, she'd be out doing digs, writing papers, discovering new stuff. But there's not much you can say about Cato or Horace that hasn't been said a million times before by writers going back forever. Hell, late Roman literature was basically just writing commentary on classical authors.

Her days as a grad student consist of sitting around the house. For a couple hours a week during the semester she goes in and adjunct teaches a class or two, grading papers and putting up with surly undergrads who just see her language teaching as a stepping stone for them to do a "real" career as a medical doctor or archaeologist.  Maybe she tutors. But other than that, she sits at home, surrounded by her cats. Whole summers go by as she suffers on $20k a year if that, getting "practical" teaching experience towards a doctorate and a tenure that may be decades off in a dwindling field but she's invested tens of thousands of dollars into so she can't back out now.

Her only socialization besides the cats and the forums is her high school boyfriend of over 10 years who still won't commit to even a long term engagement. That's her world. The only real change or growth in her life is that somewhere along the way she became a feminist. But she is no doubt a self loathing one, because she gets off to and writes erotic "dubious consent" fiction and is majoring in and teaching a language spoken by the Ultimate White Male Patriarchs, the Romans.

So mentally she remains a child. She loves cute pictures of cattes and fuzzy ducklings and probably puts Pony stickers on things. Her career track is academic hanger on, and her social future is weird catlady, forever a spinster once her boyfriend finally alpha's up and walks.

Big Duck Equals Goose

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Dude, I'd do her from the front, underneath, and inside-out. I'd tongue her butt so completely I'd end up wearing her kidneys for ear warmers.

 :goonthink:

(Erotica writers, please don't steal that line. I worked really hard on it.)

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From what we've gathered so far, her butthole is probably way cleaner than her cooch, so...  :jesse:

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From what we've gathered so far, her butthole is probably way cleaner than her cooch, so...  :jesse:

 :evola:

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« Last Edit: June 13, 2013, 01:55:25 AM by Roundbutt2000 »